Building A Conscious Relationship

Balance

Feminine and masculine energies are within us all. When you are out of balance (you are more in your feminine and/or masculine) your body tells you with physical symptoms: rage, sadness, ego flares, controlling behavior, “I can do it all” attitude, and being so in your emotions you do not know where your emotional boundaries begin and anothers ends. These imbalances may be due to father/mother/caregiver wounds, or wounding that has happned in various realtionhsips , platonic and intiamte. The good news about these wounds is that can be healed if you choose. This is where some more self-healing comes in. Being a conscious, present and aware human takes practice, and is a slow process. The work hurts, and is painful sometimes, but it is worth it. When you are in balance you feel the vitality of your human experience and you can begin to share that with another person.

Boosting hormones in all the right places

• Give each other room to breathe! Be without texting all-day/seeing each other every day. Allow the other to miss you.

• Pick three options for an outing, then ask the other what they would like to do (switch it up!)

• Allow the feminine and masculine energies to be balanced in the relationship, continually check-in with yourself and one another

What do you show up to dating with?

• Accountability for thoughts, feelings,words and actions

• Radical vulnerability

• Radical self-acceptance and authenticity

• Self-compassion

• Knowing your core-values, needs, and wants

• Boundaries

• Empowerment

“Being vulnerable and authentic is the ultimate gift to those who can receive it.”- Sheleana Aiyana

When you are with this other person, they will feel more comfortable around you if you are radically vulnerable. Meaning you are able to access your feelings and emotions, express what you are thinking/feeling without judgment on the other.

Example: Kendra goes out with Zac

Kendra: “Hey, I am feeling nervous about us hanging out.”

Zac: “Oh? Why is that ?”

Kendra: “Well, I have been on a self-healing journey, healing rejection and abandonment wounds and I have not been on an outing with another person in a while.”

Zac: “You know, I get why you would feel that way. I am feeling nervous too, I am healing from my past partnership that ended, and it is bringing up a lot of insecurities for me.”

Kendra: "Oh really? Well, that does sound challenging as well. I am glad we both shared this with one another."

Zac: "Ya, me too."

This right here is the beginning of a healthy relationship dynamic. The tension in both of them has been released by expressing their clear “I” statements (so their survival mode will hopefully not be on overdrive), they both heard and saw one another in a vulnerable space, and by consciously communicating they were able to establish safety and trust that will be a healthy foundation to lean into. Whether or not they continue to pre-date/ date, they are two people who have connected and it feels good.

Dating

Dating is where you have decided that romanticism and intimacy is where this relationship is headed, and then possibly partnership. Take it nice and slow, continue establishing a stable and healthy foundation.

Dating Guidelines

• Continue without alcohol/drugs of any kind for a little while

• Communicate what types of intimacy you are both willing to do (i.e.: kissing, masturbating, fondling, foreplay). There is time for oral/anal/vaginal sex later, get to know the person better before you share this energy. This is about creating lasting connections and bonds, do not self-sabotage, this is purely hormonal and creates conflict with your intuition. When you do decide to have sex, discuss what it means for you both and what you are/are not comfortable with

• Give each other undivided attention, put your phone away

  
  

Just say NO to:

• Bar/ Strip Club/Cabaret/Casino: These places open you up to energies that will conflict with what your body is telling you. You will have time to visit all of these places later on if your relationship goes further. Stay focused. Get to know the authentic version of this other person.

Check out the article, Fun dating ideas in Odessa, Texas, click here

Journaling: How and why

Yes, you care about this person. The space between you two when you are apart allows you time to assess your relationship, to be aware of which path your soul is telling you to take. When you journal after your dates you are able to sight the red and green flags, and listen to the messengers from your innermost Self. These internal messages are giving you information as to whether you are repeating a cycle you no longer wish to repeat, or if you are using this as an opportunity to change , heal and create something different.

Journaling and Self-Discovery Prompts

• Are you in your power enough to ask for those needs to be met and to keep boundaries intact/respect others boundaries? Yes/No? Why not?

• Have you communicated with the other about your needs/core values? Why/Why not?

• How do you feel when you are with them?

• Why do you get irritated with them?

• Why have you not been irritated with them?

• What are some red/green flags you have noticed?

How to spot the red and green flags

Remember, we are all made up of green and red flags. The key is to integrate our shadow self, be radically vulnerable , and to communicate with the other person openly and honestly.

Green flags:

• You both remain connected to family/friend relationships that are healthy

• You can express yourself openly, and feel safe doing so

• Your relationship energy is stabile, not chaotic

• You both support and empower one another to be the best version of yourselves

• Conflicts are seen as opportunities to grow

• You are safe to be vulnerable, and it will not be used against you

• When you both need space you both are willing to give it to the one another/ you feel safe asking for space and/or to lean in; all without wither one of you withholding affection, or punishing the other in some way

• You both are into self-work, and growing a garden relationship

  
  

Red flags:

• You have never met their family or friends; they are keeping you a secret

• They are a completely different person after the honeymoon phase, or when they drink/smoke cannabis and they don't think it is an issue

• You are unaware if you are in a committed relationship, or where you stand. The other person will not communicate with you about it

• One or both of you are keeping secrets and/or lying

• They flirt with other people in general/in front of you and/or they make sexual comments about your friends/family/others

• Nobody (friends/family) likes this person; everyone expresses concern for your well-being

• They will not talk about the red flags, or the relationship; they may say you are “too much work” ,or tell you how difficult you are being

• Will not go to therapy/counseling in order to heal parts of themselves that is harming themselves, you, and the relationship

Cultivation of your garden

When you begin to know your true authentic Self, you unknowingly invite another to be their authentic self. They feel safe with you and you feel safe with them. You have begun this relationship on a healthy and stable foundation. The partnership created out of this conscious dating process is an entity all in its own. You both feed it and it grows like a garden, it is essentially its very own ecosystem. You both are putting in the energy, time and effort to recommit to yourself and one another every day. This is being a conscious human in a conscious relationship. It is based on wholeness, connection, love, compassion and reverence for our self and other. So now it is time to go out and enjoy the connection to Self, other and community.

(Notes from Kendra: If you are in a threatening situation or are feeling a sense of overwhelm that you cannot shake, please seek professional help from a licensed counselor or therapist ( click here). If you are engaging in sexual activities please do so using proper protection.)

Self-Care Books

• 47 Simple Wellness Tips for the Body, Mind, and Soul- Kendra Pennington